I had an epiphany today and I wrote it down…
Whenever I get those feelings of anxiety, those are my cues that something in my life isn’t right. Whether I’m not reacting well to my environment or something inside needs to change, they are signs that I am not fulfilled or comfortable for some reason. Instead of running away or suppressing the feelings, I [can] use them to connect me to my greater whole. I understand why it’s happening and that is like the puzzle piece I’ve been needing to know. The very thing I was avoiding was the same thing that was going to help me.
Bottom line: I’m not sure if those goes for everyone but…I think I can say that my anxiety issues are a reflection of whatever is going on in my world — inner or outer.Those annoying feelings are trying to let me know that something needs to change. It’s all connected.
Does anyone understand what I’m saying? I would really like your thoughts on this.
I got my driver’s license!!! After four years of taking driver’s classes on and off, I finally took the road test for the first time on July 18 and PASSED!!!!! It was one of my goals for this year.
My anxiety did affect how well I did (ugh) but I had an amazing driving instructor who did a relaxation exercise with me beforehand (lol) and I MADE IT!!!!
Whoo-hoo, so my new license should be coming soon. Very proud moment. =)
Now, I was a little perturbed by the fact that I drove beautifully over to the road test site, only to mess up over stupid things at the road test. It really bugs me.
It made me realize, though, that the influences around me have a big impact on how I feel. My driving instructor and my the actual road tester both encouraged me to just slow down and relax, and I haven’t heard that from anyone in ages and it really did help.
On the flip side…
Life-wise, I’ve been struggling lately. In the best way. Anxiety really changed me as a person, unfortunately, and I’m finally getting that person back to the surface but it’s hard. To not have people around you who are stable and supportive of your efforts just sucks beyond words. To have no one to cry to or to hold you when you’re going through hard times, it just…it’s not right. But I’m dealing with it.
When your mind ping-pongs all over the place, and adds new neon-colored ping-pong balls every second, it’s understandable to just want to break down and cry. Lately, I’ve really been working on just focusing on what I’m doing…instead of playing ping-pong. And I do well…until one sparkly ping-pong grabs my attention and then I get that urge to play. And so I do, since it’s, you know, interesting. And then I’m back in the match again.
So hard. Yet, I must keep at trying.
i don’t want to use this blog as a punching bag…but forgive me this once. i need to vent, and any feedback would be helpful.
anxiety makes me do stupid things sometimes. usually those stupid things involve other people. particularly, people interested in me and i in them.
without getting into specifics…i assume the worst about myself. it’s my knee-jerk reaction. my first thought.
sometimes the damning thought is in my mother’s voice, or the voice of the mean girl in high school. sometimes it’s in my own voice. but whatever it is, it’s a powerful thought.
powerful enough for me to act in accordance with it, whether it’s true or not. it feels true. i act on the fearful thought because i feel like it protects me from the seemingly inevitable real manifestation of it.
but this is all most likely caused by more than anxiety.
i’m just so mad at myself today. i really want to give myself a swift kick for doing this again. i feel like such a jerk-face, all over again.