a young woman's experience with anxiety

Archive for June, 2012

live.

it is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.

– marcus aurelius

inauguration.

i’m 22.

i’ve been living with diagnosed anxiety for 11 years now, but i’ve dealt with it my entire life. obsessions, compulsions, panic attacks, stomachaches, headaches, weird thoughts — you name it, i’ve been through it.

anxiety is a part of me i’ve come to accept. when i didn’t accept it, i hid it. but hiding something doesn’t make it go away. it’s there, anyway, whether i accept it or not.

it’s not my fault. i don’t ask for these symptoms, they just happen. i’ve come to realize that, in my case, it really is like having a thyroid problem or having diabetes. it’s chronic and i have good days and bad days.

i didn’t always think that way. i used to just blame me. i took full responsibility, and that only led to perfectionism. i’m done being a perfectionist…i’m too human for that.

i’ve hated myself because of the anxiety. it’s contributed to me missing, or simply not being able to enjoy, many of life’s milestones.

fortunately, i have a survivor mentality. i want a better life and will do what i can to get that life. it’s going to be harder for me, but so be it, that’s just the way it is.

hopefully, this post will let someone out there know that they’re not alone.

much more to come.