a young woman's experience with anxiety

I got my driver’s license!!! After four years of taking driver’s classes on and off, I finally took the road test for the first time on July 18 and PASSED!!!!! It was one of my goals for this year.

My anxiety did affect how well I did (ugh) but I had an amazing driving instructor who did a relaxation exercise with me beforehand (lol) and I MADE IT!!!!

Whoo-hoo, so my new license should be coming soon. Very proud moment. =)

Now, I was a little perturbed by the fact that I drove beautifully over to the road test site, only to mess up over stupid things at the road test. It really bugs me.

It made me realize, though, that the influences around me have a big impact on how I feel. My driving instructor and my the actual road tester both encouraged me to just slow down and relax, and I haven’t heard that from anyone in ages and it really did help.

On the flip side…

Life-wise, I’ve been struggling lately. In the best way. Anxiety really changed me as a person, unfortunately, and I’m finally getting that person back to the surface but it’s hard. To not have people around you who are stable and supportive of your efforts just sucks beyond words. To have no one to cry to or to hold you when you’re going through hard times, it just…it’s not right. But I’m dealing with it.

When your mind ping-pongs all over the place, and adds new neon-colored ping-pong balls every second, it’s understandable to just want to break down and cry. Lately, I’ve really been working on just focusing on what I’m doing…instead of playing ping-pong. And I do well…until one sparkly ping-pong grabs my attention and then I get that urge to play. And so I do, since it’s,  you know, interesting. And then I’m back in the match again.

So hard. Yet, I must keep at trying.


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