a young woman's experience with anxiety

venting

Imagei don’t want to use this blog as a punching bag…but forgive me this once. i need to vent, and any feedback would be helpful.

anxiety makes me do stupid things sometimes. usually those stupid things involve other people. particularly, people interested in me and i in them.

without getting into specifics…i assume the worst about myself. it’s my knee-jerk reaction. my first thought.

sometimes the damning thought is in my mother’s voice, or the voice of the mean girl in high school. sometimes it’s in my own voice. but whatever it is, it’s a powerful thought.

powerful enough for me to act in accordance with it, whether it’s true or not. it feels true. i act on the fearful thought because i feel like it protects me from the seemingly inevitable real manifestation of it.

but this is all most likely caused by more than anxiety.

i’m just so mad at myself today. i really want to give myself a swift kick for doing this again. i feel like such a jerk-face, all over again.

Image

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: